Random Acts of Friday: Sickity Doo Dah

And by Doo Dah, I mean doo doo.

Why is that the times when you're sick are also the times when you get the most bowelular grumpies? You would think that your body would figure it out: "Hey, every time I stand up, I want to pass out. Maybe I should turn the juice down on the ol' processing plant downstairs." But no, the reverse seems to be true. "Hey, things are going nuts! Let's see how many times we can get this poor guy to stagger into the bathroom for the world's most urgent, but least productive job ever!"

Stupid bowels. Maybe we should all get astronaut toilets installed in our beds for when we're sick.

Come to think of it, that would be pretty handy for those times in the middle of the night when you're dead tired but can't sleep because you have to pee. You know, the times when you can't quite convince yourself to get out of bed, and you keep hoping that you can ignore your swelling bladder long enough to fall back to sleep, but every time you get close, the fear of waking up in a puddle stops you, so eventually you stagger out of bed and get it over with.

Those are almost as bad as waking up half an hour before your alarm because you have to pee, and knowing that if you could just fall back to sleep, you would be fine until the alarm goes off, but if you get up and get it over with, you'll never get back to sleep and you'll miss out on those last thirty blissful, dopamine-drenched minutes.

Martial Tuesday: The Aging Warrior

Every once in a while - especially lately, with my birthday less than a month ago - I think about the fact that I'm getting older. I recently ordered a martial arts book off Amazon, and now on my recommendations list are a couple of books like 'Martial Arts after 40' and such. It does make me wonder how my martial arts training will change as I age. I'm 27 now, and most people tend to say that 30 is where you hit your peak. I wonder how much my technique will improve between now and three year from now, and how my technique - and choice of techniques - will change as I start to age and my body starts to deteriorate. I already am not as flambouyant as I would sometimes like to be, since my right knee tends to give me troubles for the rest of the day if I work it too hard.

Ah well, it's the question that every athlete faces, professional or amateur, full- or no-contact, combative or solo. At least I know that I'll be able to do some form of karate for the rest of my life. Football players know that their days are much more numbered than just about any other athlete's. Maybe I'll become one of those wizened, old kungfu masters, who hobbles around with the help of a cane until trouble rears its head, and then, Yoda-like, drops his cane, straightens up, and kicks some butt. So what if they spend the next week in the hot tub recuperating. That doesn't sound bad either.

A.K.A. Croutons

Salad. What can ya do? Everyone knows that salad is good for you. And no one wants colon cancer. But there are times when I just can't convince myself that a bowl of leafy greens is worth it.

Enter the bastard child of the Dairy and Bread food groups, Cheetos(tm). I find that just a small handful of these petroleum products, crushed and sprinkled liberally over a tupperware-full of lettuce, cilantro, green onions, and spinach can convert it into something that the most staunch anti-healthfood-nut can enjoy.

So next time you're faced with a bowl of Green Life, grab the Cheetos(tm) and add a little crunch and a lot of flavor to it,